We Want You

Continuing the fine tradition of procedurally generated platformers made in GameMaker, such as Spelunky and also the fine tradition of belligerent, Christianity-addled empires, comes We Want You. You fall through a freshly weaved mess of destructible blocks and killer soldiers, grabbing armor and weapons, raiding refugee tents, and trying not to be distracted by the torrent of Fox News-esque headlines that blip by. A few things you may not be aware of initially, pushing up picks up stuff and goes into tents, pressing C will drop a mine that will blast through floors (for free, unlike Spelunky where terrain deformation via bombs was a finite resource). There isn't a whole lot to this simple game, and yet, there's so much more.

Aesthetically the game keeps it pixel, as you move through the war environment through various years, maybe hearing the President's pledge to leave by a certain year which never comes true, you'll be treated to a variety of different tile-sets and enemy sprites, moving up from guys who look like members of the Michigan Militia to guys who look like hardcore members of C.O.B.R.A. The satirical headlines, asking questions like "Atheists in the Foxholes?" or "General Found Guilty Of Adultery - Guess Which One!" give a sense of a George Carlin rant layered with retro-geek, doing to that vibe what OCDJ does to rap music. On the other hand, the music the game employs is a more melodic, pensive bit of piano that sounds like something Woody Allen would listen to on a rainy day, assuming of course that Woody Allen was a 16x32 sprite driven by a finite-state machine. I personally preferr stronger fare.

The real genius of this game, its phantasm, is not so obvious. Initially you think to yourself "ok, I get it, militarism as a dumb, fun action game, nice skin job". But then you keep playing because it´s a damn fun action game, and something happens to you after so many run-throughs. First you experience these teased flickers of hope, the Presidential promises to withdraw, the idea that like Spelunky there has to be an end to the thing, and then hope vanishes. In the process you get very good at the game in order to survive 4 or 5 years, you become a ruthless, psychotic killer. Then you start to wonder why it's so difficult to make that progress, as if you are sabotaging yourself. You die firing a bullet at an enemy who simultaneously fires at you, you die jumping at the other guy's face, you die facing down a rocket. You become consumed with the madness, until you get the big epiphany, not the least of which is the secret irony that this game is no skin-job at all, but masterfully weaves its implications with its gameplay. The epiphany is very simple: the dominant strategy is to avoid combat, not to seek it out.

One of the headlines you can receive tells you how many people you've killed that year and over the whole war, somehow in the mammalian grind of the male brain (can't speak for the ladies) this sets off a competitive streak that motivates the over-achieving mass murder behaviors that keep getting you killed. And yet, it is bullshit. Why would that number ratcheting up be any different than all the other stupidities that the complacent mil-gov-media throws out as on-screen text? Its not, it´s a trap, just like the cash in Oiligarchy or the Megadeath points in DEFCON. It´s a trap! And we fall for it, we always fall for it.

The stupidity of man is no trifling matter, it is subtle and complex, it is an ingenious stupidity, engineered for perfection as its intended goal -- and unlike those people you once loved, it wants you.