Offroad Velociraptor Safari

Easter is the celebration of our divine ancestry from the lizard-people, Quetzalcoatl, Tammuz, etc., and their thirst for the blood of bunnies and other reptoids. Science seems to indicate that some dinosaurs, like these feathered raptors, did evolve into birds, but did you know they also evolved into mammalian hybrids, and that these hybrid bloodlines of shapeshifters now rule the world? Ergo, Off Road Velociraptor Safari is probably the best way to celebrate Easter - ever - because it taps into the reptilian consciousness of predation that drives our totem sacrifices, in the form of a jeep, driven by a raptor, mauling other raptors for mad points.

B gives you a boost, space bar unleashes your chain mace/magnet, dropping in teleporters gives a big point bonus. These are things you might not intuitively realize. These are the advanced mysteries. Using the arrow keys to drive is obvious.

I was reading about telepathic communications from Sirius when I looked up at an old painting of my great-great-aunt, who murdered her husband in his sleep, allegedly, and as my eyes went in and out of focus I saw her face transform into a reptilian monstrosity. I began begging for mercy, and was given a message "press B to boost". Only after listening to The Bedlam in Goliath several times consecutively, and reading the tutorial, which I'm usually inclined to skip, did I realize the significance of this synchronicity.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that we're with hybrid reptiles descended from a cosmic intelligence which uses the Sirius star system as a router/proxy server to transmit information from the higher dimensional multi-sphere, and also that Offroad Velociraptor Safari should inspire in you a humble hope, a quintessential fear, and ultimately religious jubilation, because mere physics and stylized imagination has given birth to a yoga, a keyboard-borne dance, that reconciles our most basic, primal urges with our rational understandings. That Calvin and Hobbes comic, with the "Dinosaurs in F15s!", was tapping into this circuit, as were the ancient Egyptian engravings with Set tempting Osiris, and Osiris rising again, as you will, when the timer runs out and the leaderboard calls you to another go. Stunts, Orb courses and hunted packs of velociraptors form a holy trinity, like Isis, Horus, Osiris, or Nimrod, Esther, Tammuz, or Zeus, Semele, Dionysus - the same ancient template plays itself out again.

Could I be any more lucid? Dude, that raptor is wearing a monocle.