A Colorado Highschool student went on a shooting spree this week in protest of a Flash game posted on Newgrounds, wounding several and then killing himself. Witnesses proclaim that the student repeatedly critiqued the title Columbine Massacre as he fired at random.
"I can't believe someone made another game about Columbine! Its not even very good!" He shrieked as he riddled chalkboards and bookshelves with hollow-point rounds purchased at Wal-Mart.
Distraught students gave testimony to press while fighting back tears:
"He just kept going on about how this web game doesn't treat Columbine with much nuance! He kept saying the graphics were lame and the gameplay was a rip-off of Ninja Turtles 2, and then he shot my friend!"
Police waited outside the school until the all-clear signal was given, after it became clear that any innocent people they might have saved were already shot. Police report hearing the shooter screaming from out a classroom window "at least the Columbine RPG said witty things about Denver city water!"
A teacher who was wounded in the classroom where the shooter took his own life later remarked to press after recovery "his last words were, 'I can't live in a world where the game medium moves at this slow a pace'. After having him in my english literature class for almost a full school-year, I just couldn't understand it."
The shooting comes on the heels of the tragic murder of Colorado third grader, Gordon Stoltski after being mistaken for a truck driver of the same name.
Solution
The solution is rational and perfectly obvious: prohibit all flash games.
</thompson>
Think of the Children!
Seems about right to me. We don't want anybody to do a copycat job. I'll be damned if another idiot makes a shitty game with tacked-on political subtext. Think of the children!
(grandstanding politician)
Awful.
Yep, I think that deserves a killing spree.
lmfao, wow
You tried way too hard to be funny with your review. It was kind of funny at first, but you really drug it out. The only negative things you had to say were vague, basically saying "the graphics were lame and had similar gameplay to (insert any flash shooter game you want) XD". All I got from your review was that you think there should only be one Columbine game. Perhaps you should try to keep from being so biased when reviewing games. It's obvious you played this game knowing you weren't going to like it, as you had nothing positive to say, even though you had the shooter indicate that it wasn't all bad.
lmfao, the graphics were "lame" part made me laugh, though.
lmfao ahahaha
zac showed me this a second ago holy shit someone took the time to make an article on our shitty game that is radical !! btw i have never played ninja turtles 2 i was going for river city ransom actually so suck on tHAT prick????? but 4real this is neat-o.....
I did get linked to the game
I did get linked to the game via Danny Ledonne sending me a message over Facebook, however I was open to the experience as an experience rather than as "another Columbine game". I sincerely did not think it did anything thought-provoking, and was also flawed as a scrolling-shooter. However, I did feel compelled to get to the end, for what that's worth.
Thanks for the feedback and for stopping by.