Up Against the Wall, Motherfucker!

The following was originally published in "Connection," the "magazine supplement to the Columbia Daily Spectator," and is reproduced here by permission of Jim Dunnigan. The board is here, and the cards are here.

With the first anniversary of last spring's demonstrations and of "CONNECTION" fast approaching, we present a commemorative supplement to the supplement: a playable game simulation of spring on Morningside Heights. It has been designed with the same kind of operations research and game theory techniques that are used by mathematicians, business, and the military to generate models of interaction that can be used to predict events in real life. We call it UP AGAINST THE WALL, MOTHERFUCKER! Instructions follow...

The playing board of Up Against the Wall Motherfucker! is made up of eleven tracks, each of which represents a quasi-political subgroup likely to be involved in the spring demonstration: black students, liberal faculty, alumni, uncommitted students, and so on. At the center of the board is Low Library; it is the goal of the Administration player to win the influence of these groups by moving the Position Unit Counter (PUCs) of each track inward toward Low. The Radicals player, on the other hand, strives to move the PUCs on each track away from Low, radially outward to the edge of the board. The approximate initial political orientation of each group is represented by a dot in one of the squares on its track. The circular line surrounding Low Library represents an ideological isograph; that is, a PUC inside the circle means support for the Administration, and one outside the circle represents sympathy for the Radicals. Fence-straddling for a given group is symbolized by a PUC directly on the line.

Underneath the boxes in each track are numbers ranging from 0 to 10. These indicate the magnitude (and value) of support from each group. You win Up Against the Wall Motherfucker! by amassing more support points than your opponent, or by wiping out your opponent altogether (see below). The manner in which the PUCs are manipulated will be explained below.

The game consists of twelve turns. Place (or better, paste) the board on a smooth flat surface. Cut out the Position Unit Counters, mount them on cardboard or heavy paper, and place one in every box with a dot in it, one per track.

Step One: The Radicals move first. The attacking player consults the Projected Leverage Over Time chart (below). This determine the combat influence he will be able to exert during that turn (indicated by Level of Administrative Will (LAW) for the Administration, and Ratio of Activism Determinants (RADs) for the Radicals. LAWs can be represented by small pieces of paper colored red, white and blue, or by individual capsules of Seconal. Small pieces of paper colored red or marijuana seeds can be used for RADs. The attacking player then deploys his LAWs or RADs in the boxes so marked on each track, as he chooses. He may concentrate most combat pieces on one track, distribute them over all the tracks, ignore one or more tracks, and so on.

Step Two: If, on any given track, there are any of your opponent's combat pieces opposite your combat pieces (as of course there won't be on the first half of the first turn), you may choose to "attack." This is one in the following way: the attacker computes the odds in his favor by counting the number of combat pieces he has at the end of a given track and dividing by the number of combat pieces the enemy has on the opposite end of the same track. Thus, if there are six RADs and three LAWs on a track, the odds are 2-1 in favor of the Radicals. (Note: following standard combat-game practice, if the odds are uneven they are computed in favor of the defender; that is, when dividing, any remainder -- no matter how large -- is disregarded, so that 39 LAWs attacking 10 RADs would result in odds of 3-1 for the Administration).

Having computed the odds, the attacking side rolls a single die and refers to the University Conflict Outcome Matrix (UCOM) below to determine his results.

You must roll the die again for each different track you attack but you can attack as many tracks as you want in a single turn. You may never attack at worse than 1-2 odds.

Step Three: After each attack, you may move the Position Unit Counter (PUC) one box closer to your combat pieces (LAWs or RADs) if and only if you have eradicated all of your opponent's combat pieces in that track.

Step Four: After one side has completed its part of the turn, the other side repeats Steps One through Three.

Contingency Cards

A set of Contingency Cards is provided (below). These are to be mounted on heavy paper and placed in a pile, face down, near the playing board. Before each move, a player draws a contingency card. You may use it immediately, or you may save it, or, if it is not to your advantage, you may disregard it. You need not reveal its contents to your opponent.

The Motherfucking Gambit

At the beginning of his turn, each player may choose to up the ante by shouting, "Up Against the Wall, Motherfucker!". You should call a UAW,MF! with feeling, as it is usually the high point of the game. For the Administration, it represents calling in the cops or worse; for the Radicals, it means calling a strike, or taking another couple of buildings. After calling a UAW,MF!, the player rolls the die and consults the UCOM, but the results apply across the board (not just in a single track) in the following manner:

TE means that ALL of the defender's combat pieces are removed from play.

YE means that the attacker (who called the UAW,MF!) loses all the combat pieces he has on the board.

AL means that the player with the lesser number of combat pieces loses all of them, while the other player must remove an equal number from the board.

The attacker may then advance the PUCs as above.

The game ends after each player has taken twelve turns. Each then adds up the total number of points on his side (measured by the point values under the boxes on his side of the circle in which a PUC is found). The winner is he who has the most points. The loser calls a news conference.

Credits

Conceived and executed by Jim Dunnigan and Jerry Avorn
with help from Lenny Glynn and Mike Stern
Board illustrated by Barlow Palminteri
with some help from Ron Rager